The Quickr Memorandum - Chapter 2

Roarer and Kismet sat in patient silence as their small friend stirred his LDC mug of Golden Broken Orange Pekoe, a dash of full cream milk and three sugars.

"Any Jaffa cakes?" he inquired.

Roarer went to the cupboard to have a look.

Most of the world would accept without question that the most formal tea drinking would be done in the chanoyu ceremony in Japan, indeed Google would seem to seem to confirm that may be the case, but it would be wrong!. The lesser known Irish yahwil tea drinking methodology predates the Japanese one by 1000 years and also predates the arrival of tea in Ireland by 1500 years. Unlike the Japanese who take the plant very seriously the Irish tradition can be used for any hot drink made by soaking anything in hot water.

Dr Michael Xavier Noogerty O'Toogerty's 1995 paper on the subject traces the yahwil ceremony back to the time of Queen Maeve of Connacht where it is recorded that she took such a long time on her morning cuppa that all the warriors of Ulster fell asleep waiting for a battle to begin.

The yahwil ceremony begins with a lady usually referred to as the "ma'am'ee" declaring to the room "yahwill taka weetay" the assembled family and guest reply as one "nah ur fine fernoo" the ma'am'ee with then rejoin this rebuttal with an another call to libation "yahwill yahwill yahwill ... annawee skone too" this can be repeated up to five times before the assembled participants reply "ahgo on then but justa cup".

The ma'am'ee will then retire to a special room of preparation where she will rattle china, open and close cupboards and make a general racket. It is thought that this was done to scare away spirits of malfeasance that were all to ready to spoil a cup of tea by possessing the kettle.

Space does not permit a full discourse of the method by which teapots are warmed or the finer points of "mashing" other than to say to achieve perfection a ma'am'ee has to train at the apron of an expert for 7x7 years.

When the tea arrives it, if done properly has to be on a tray designed to allow the pot, milk jug and sugar bowl to slide around freely. Indeed the sign of a 5th dan ma'am'ee is that she can get from kitchen to serving without spilling a drop. Once the condition of the tea has been tested for consistency it is distributed into cups and the participants then take over control of the ceremony. Even if they take their tea black and un-sugared the supplied tea spoon has to be used to stir the scalding hot liquid and only in a clockwise direction.

Good manners require a minimum of 4complete circular stirs followed by one anticlockwise twist to slow the liquid down followed by precisely 3 taps of the spoon on the side of the cup prior to the first sip. Setting the spoon down it is common for the participant having turned down something to eat will inquire as to the availability of something to dunk. Jaffa cakes are common as are Chocolate digestives but only ever ask for Rich Tea if you are look to ask for a daughter's hand in marriage.

Roarer returned to the table, "No Jaffa's but we have some choccie hobnobs"

"Perfect!" answered Pomona taking 4 and sticking the first into the steaming mug of tea and then popping the soggy mass into his mouth.

"So Pomona dear, what is this important thing you need to tell us so urgently?" asked Kismet.

"Ahh now dark times are upon us Kismet!" Pomona dumks another Hobnob, munches it and continues, "I have been led to believe that Rib Dell's cover has been blown which has lead to his sudden and unexplained disappearance!"

"NO!" Kismet gasped, "Rib ? Gone?"

"Indeed so" replied Pomona, "as you well know Rib has been hiding in plain sight as a manager in a large computer company using it as a cover for his real job as chief undercover restaurant critic for our organization. There are rumors in the IRC back channels that he may have been a kidnap risk after he published in the "Guide to good eating when on a mission red book residency wiki" a claim that a certain burger chain had no right to call itself a restaurant! It seems all to clear that he has been taken by people as yet unknown and is equally clear we have mole in the organization!"

Roarer considered this for a moment, pushed his glasses half way up his nose, realized that made him look like a less ginger Horatio Caine so stopped before Kismet noticed and shouted at him.

"Right! I think we need assemble the team" he said with the air of someone who has made up his mind.

Pomona raised an eyebrow "Roarer old chum it has been more than 10 years and the team are spread across the globe, some have retired others have sought solace in a career change. Even I don't know where half of them are and I have unlimited and stylish access to the internet!"

To underline this he waved his iPhone 5 under Roarer's nose.

"No matter I have a plan, I know where one of them is... " Roarer replied and tapped the horoscope section of the open copy of The Orgonian that Kismet had been using to protect the table as she cleaned her guns. ... " that my friends ... is the work of Dam Shutoff"

The Quickr Memorandum - Chapter 1

The Quickr Memorandum

A tale of international intrigue, sex, collaborative software,social business, llamas and Lego.
Any resemblance that the characters have to persons living or dead is entirely unintentional and if they do exist it was probably the effects of the curry I just had.

Roarer Mewlens lent over the table and picked up a small slate grey 1X1 brick from the pile on the floor. Slowly he pushed it into place waiting for the luxuriant click as the disc from the block below locked the piece in place.

It was complete! It had taken 2 weeks but the 1:1000 scale model of Basingstoke and Deane borough council HQ was complete. Something to be proud of. Something no-one had done before and would probably never do again,.

Roarer sighed a sigh of deep contentment took one last look at his most recent work of art and wandered off into the kitchen to see what Kismet Lyeort his beautiful partner was up to. Hearing the sound of Roarer's Garfield slippers approach the kitchen Kismet re-holstered the Sig Sauer 1911 she had just finished cleaning and looked up.

"Finished dear?" she inquired.

"Yep, all done!" he smiled, "All those windows where a pain and that bit around the corner balcony  outside the chief executive's toilet was the hardest bit of Ashlar casementing I have every done!"

"Well done dear .. so it is the Swanage Municipal Library next then?"

"Yes, just have to order ...." the detailed explanation of his next project's requirements was interrupted by a small but firm 'beep' followed by another stronger 'BEEP' and then a strident 'BONG'. The sig sauer was in Kismet's hand in a flash it was either the perimeter alarm or the shepherd's pie was ready and in the cut throat world of public building modelling it paid to be careful.

A quick glance at the Aga confirmed the shepherd's pie was not quite ready which meant that someone or something had tripped the perimeter alarm.

"Calm yourself Kismet" , Roarer said, " That will be Pomona he said he would drop by and he always forgets to jump up and down at the gate so the RFID sensor can register him"

Kismet popped her pistol back in the holster and went to put the kettle on. Pomona did try hard to be consistent but succeeded only in 2 things, he never got any taller and he had an amazing propensity for cups of strong sweet tea.

Pomona Yule, international midget of mystery as he liked to style himself was a conundrum wrapped in a mystery. All that was really known about him for definite was he had a strange accent, couldn't say the number 3 or the word column but he could hack any server in the world using only a Nokia 1110 and a packet of Juciy Fruit chewing gum. Most importantly when meeting Pomona it was best if you remember not to mentioned his height or lack thereof. If you did ... well you had better be wearing industrial grade shin protectors. The Yule Orthapedic Wing of the Mater Hospital Dublin's status as a world centre of excellence in the rebuilding of knee caps is testament to the destructive power of Pomona's very specialised small person's martial arts!

Roarer disabled the mines, placed the saftey back on the automatic Gattling guns that were trained on the porch and unlocked the door for his long time friend.

"Bout ya Mewlens ya auld fecker!" exclaimed Pomona as he clambered over the door jam, "I have news of great import and potential danger to impart ... so where's the tea???"